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Attempting to further prepare students in the Harbert College of Business for the professional marketplace, the Office of Professional and Career Development center announced a new service that gives students hands-on experience getting laid off. “It’s a service we’ve thought long and hard about,” States Elizabeth Cooper, supervisor of the office, “We’ve given a lot […]
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Despite having only being gone for two days, sources have confirmed that your mother, Lisa Young, already misses you. The 53-year-old has been reported snooping through your room, sniffing your pillowcase, and crying over your old soccer jerseys. I mean sheesh! The woman you once saw as a role model and a pillar of strength […]
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Starting next week Little Italy is all set to offer urine on tap. The decision came shortly after Anthony Triddle, manager at Little Italy accidentally tasted his pee the other night. “I’m not going to get into that incident, but for decades you’ve always heard people say, ‘This beer tastes like piss’. I woke up […]
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To a professor, winning over your students is no easy task. For some professors, however, charming students can be done with ease. Meet economics professor Jamie Funke, who just this morning won the hearts of all 200 of his lecture hall attendees by mentioning that he consumed alcohol over the weekend. “Good morning everyone, hope […]
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After weeks of research, Auburn’s sociology department concluded that students who use Tapingo, the food ordering app that lets you skip the lines, have far more valuable time than students who wait in line. This elite class of individuals has too much on their respective agendas to spend waiting in line with the blue collared […]
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The day of reckoning is upon us and it is usually in the university’s best interest to protect its students at all cost. Unfortunately, at Auburn University, this is not the case. The Auburn University Department of Campus Safety & Security recently tweeted this to let students know about the decision to cancel classes. “We […]
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In a startling op-ed from the Plainsman, college freshman Stefan Levitt came forward about his disbelief in the Auburn Spirit. The op-ed took campus by storm, causing students and faculty alike to take a closer look at the beliefs they hold. “I’ve always considered myself to be a free thinker,” states Levitt, “and I can’t […]
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With the Miss Homecoming election coming to a close, candidates are doing their best to win over their fellow students in the most authentic, personal way possible. Many candidates are winning over voters by having their campaign platform and voting link splattered across every GroupMe chat imaginable. Sources confirmed this morning that every GroupMe with […]
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In an effort to bring out more spirit in the Auburn Fans, J&M has started an initiative to sell their used toilet paper, at a discounted price, to fans who want to roll the trees but didn’t have time to go buy a pack. “We try our damn near hardest to clean the toilet paper, […]
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