Agnostic Freshman Unsure If He Believes In Auburn Spirit


In a startling op-ed from the Plainsman, college freshman Stefan Levitt came forward about his disbelief in the Auburn Spirit. The op-ed took campus by storm, causing students and faculty alike to take a closer look at the beliefs they hold.

“I’ve always considered myself to be a free thinker,” states Levitt, “and I can’t just sit back and accept a belief just because society tells me to.”

Levitt’s comment soon became a lightning rod for criticism amongst fellow students, 92 percent of which believe in the Auburn spirit.

“How do you explain that feeling when you’re walking across Samford Lawn with a cold Toomer’s Lemonade in your hand? How can you explain the tangible electricity in the air at Jordan-Hare stadium? How can you do it?” Argues Junior Kate Marcellus, “You can’t. The only thing that explains these experiences is the Auburn Spirit that lives and breathes inside each and every student who sets foot on this campus.”

Levitt quickly responded.

“Look, as a psychology major, I’m pretty adept in knowing how people’s minds work.” states Levitt, “People have these euphoric experiences and then, not knowing what else to do, they attach a spirit or entity of some sort to make sense of the situation. The human mind craves explanations.”

Reporters questioned Levitt on his own personal beliefs if he had any.

“Well, don’t get me wrong, I am a spiritual person. I definitely know there is some kind of spiritual force guiding me through my everyday life. I’m just not certain that it is the Auburn Spirit.” Stated the insufferable 19-year-old. “I just refuse to be indoctrinated with these arbitrary belief systems the university forces on us, ya know?”

No, we don’t know.

The interview was cut short when Levitt’s friend invited him to Momma Mochas Coffee Shop.