Auburn University to Remain Open During Apocalypse

Campus Life

The day of reckoning is upon us and it is usually in the university’s best interest to protect its students at all cost. Unfortunately, at Auburn University, this is not the case.

The Auburn University Department of Campus Safety & Security recently tweeted this to let students know about the decision to cancel classes.

“We didn’t feel the need to cancel classes in case the world doesn’t end. In the event it does end, classes will be canceled forever, so the students should be happy about that,” said Auburn official Scott McIntyre.

Parker recently had to be evacuated once it started rapidly sinking into the ground following a small seismic tremor in the area.

“Honestly, we’re pretty fortunate for the sinkhole Parker created. We were planning on tearing that eyesore down at the same time Gus was going to leave, but then the extension happened which delayed progress,” McIntyre added.

Students are outraged by this decision from the university. We spoke with sophomore, Jenna Fischer, who had this to say, “This is ridiculous. I knew something was off when the Chick-fil-A workers didn’t say ‘My Pleasure’ like they do every morning. I mean, you take one look outside and the sky is blood red. Regardless, I’m going downtown tonight for the ‘Doomsday Daquiris’. You can’t pass up that kind of opportunity.”

If the situation worsens students can expect to hear the siren and should immediately seek shelter.

Food trucks will be closed despite the campus continuing normal operation.