New SEC Research Suggests God Doesn’t Control College Football Games

Sports

Football season has started, and every fan is hyper-sensitive to the outcomes of each and every game. Any fan that watched a few particular games last weekend are irritated at a referee, player, missed tradition, girlfriend, boyfriend, professor, second cousin, the weather, that puddle they stepped in, alcohol, drugs, and apparently even God.

You read that right, some fans have resorted to blaming God, our Lord and Savior, for their team’s lack of energy and commitment to playing a good football game.

The SEC Network recently held a series of focus groups designed to determine who college football fans blame most often for their favorite team’s loss, and the outcomes were more surprising than they could have imagined. They surveyed around 300,000 college football fans and roughly 43% explicitly blame the higher power in the sky for their team’s loss. Another 65% blamed God along with some other factor for their team’s loss, and only 9% of focus group participants blamed the team themselves for their loss.

The SEC decided to take it a step further and find out just how much influence these factors have on a team’s win-loss ratio. Turns out, football fans just might be wrong.

In an interview with our Sports team, the SEC said “After reaching out to our connections with God, the weather people, and a number of other sources we’ve determined that the only real factor that controls a team’s ability to win or lose is the team itself. We know this may be hard to believe for some of our more dedicated fans, but the numbers just don’t lie.” The SEC hopes that this new-found information will carry over well with the general populace and that in time they will come to terms with the fact that sometimes, their team just isn’t in it to win it.

Our Sports team reached out to God, but his team has declined to provide any comments – they did send out their thoughts and prayers.