Professor Transcends Teacher-Student Barrier By Mentioning Alcohol Consumption To Class

Campus Life

To a professor, winning over your students is no easy task. For some professors, however, charming students can be done with ease.

Meet economics professor Jamie Funke, who just this morning won the hearts of all 200 of his lecture hall attendees by mentioning that he consumed alcohol over the weekend.

“Good morning everyone, hope you’ve all had a good weekend. I know for a fact my liver didn’t!” said Funke before he began his lecture on the elasticity of demand. The alcoholic innuendo put the class in a state of uproarious laughter.

In one fell swoop, Funke went from an intimidating authority figure to someone students would like to grab a beer with.

“I didn’t realize Funke was such a badass!” stated freshman Michael O’Brien, “He seems like he can really handle his shit too. If I ever saw him at Q’s or something that’d be sick as hell.”

At press time, Funke had this to say: “Look, I get these students. I may not be all over Snapchat and Instagram. I don’t play Fortnite either. But there is one thing that college students from any decade can resonate with, and that’s straight-up alcoholism.”

Sources confirmed that teachers across campus are desperately trying to follow suit, some going as far as sneaking a sip from a flask between lecture slides.